IJunk

What the hell is this? It's so bizzare. Is this in a Greek restroom? Maybe from a gay bar? You can fuck his porcelain dick after you piss in his stomach, I guess. I don't know why, but I'd probably aim for his mouth. Shameless.

This next one is 3d pornography.



I actually have a pair of 3d glasses, it doesn't really do much for me though. A 3d dick in my face is kind of intrusive, but it wouldn't phase me.

So I was searching for girls with exotic fruit shoved up their holes, and I found this instead. "Swirlie girls"



Apparently these chicks get fucked, then get their heads dunked and flushed into toilets. Oh great, that's what sex was missing. I've always thought that. No, actually I never would think that. Gross. Also, check out "Water Bondage" and "Feed Her Fuck Her" -- pretty self explanatory.

When I Jerk-Off I Think Of..You?

Today while I was masturbating I found it difficult to do, because I'm pretty hungover. A friend of mine, she says that she has trouble getting a good rhythm going, and it's hard for her to orgasm when she's hungover. Yeah, it takes a lot out of me to get to that special, warm, and fuzzy place. Cloud 9, which is actually just a large wad of semen, maybe.

It's so much better if you fill your ass with some lubricant, and play around with your butt-hole before you ejaculate. I don't know, some times I masturbate after having sex, because only I really know how to properly touch myself. That's why God gave us hands. My mom actually told me that, gross. What else are they used for? Everything? Nah, just masturbation. When I masturbated today I noticed that one of my balls was pushed up, and I was wondering why it felt a bit different, but good too. Probably better. Is this a secret I've found? My friend told me once to twist my sack, and it would feel better. It didn't. But this ball lodging thing seemed promising.

I'm just reminded of my nuts all fancy free being mashed into a girl's body while my cock is inside of her. Another friend of mine says she likes the feeling of when testicals are slapping all around her. Cool, I guess. If you fucked a girl upside down, and had your balls rest on their hood, it could have clit stimulation, I don't know. I haven't tried it. Or maybe I have, I don't fucking remember. I just use my hand, my magic touch. Mom says.

You know I try not to think of mom usually, but thinking about not thinking about it usually makes her pop into my head. Pop my head? What? -- Anyway -- sometimes it's hard to imagine something that turns me on, but the typical stuff. It's really quite fucking boring, and I yawn, and sometimes fall asleep instead of finishing. I'll do it later, just like my laundry, or taking out my garbage. Ugh, when did it become a chore? Stupid dick, I'm tired of you. I'd like to not care. I hate being programmed to want to fuck. I feel I have no choice, because you know that I'll have a wet dream eventually. I'm sure celibate people have wet dreams, I think it still counts as sex. Define reality first, then tell me I'm not actually having sex in my dreams. I was getting a blow job last night in my dream, but it was about as eventful as in real life. So what.

Outstaged By A Cock

This is a stupid clip of what is supposed to be a guy's penis sticking out in a triumphant scene in the movie Teen Wolf. Shit, I loved the movie Teen Wolf when I was a kid, it kicked ass! Michael J. Fox was my hero. I even looked like Michael J. Fox when I was younger, but I've grown since then, and now I look nothing like him. Anyway, I think the extra guy was getting a BJ offscreen and he just finished, and he forgot to pull his zipper up. I think I see a bit of his dick, but mainly his bunched up 80's jocky underwear. Eitherway, it's still pretty obvious, and I'm sure he still got payed for his work that day.

Way to go buddy. There's nothing better than ruining a scene in a Hollywood movie.

Gay-Mails

...

Hello, I think you're so fine. My name is John Paul and I like your ass, your legs, and your eyes.

JP


Hi, my name is Christoff and I can't help thinking about your ass.

Please write to me.

P.S. I have toys.

Christoff


You are so beautiful, my name is Kyle, I'm 17, gay and horny.

K.


Good day, this is actor Sean Penn. Stop emailing me! I'm not gay, but I played a gay politician in the movie Milk. That person is dead! I'm alive, and not gay.

Please stop bothering me.

Sean Penn


You know what dude, fuck off!

Carrot Top

No Point In This Signal

T.V.O.D. And media overdose, media intercourse. Fuck my brain, let the signal control my thoughts and ideas. A TV dinner is what really sounds appealing. Hey, I'll lick the screen, there's a burger on it I really want to eat.

And now for Internet OD, oh no. Sex OD -- real sex -- now we're getting at something. More tangible anyway.

This Would Make A Good Safe Sex AD

Pass it around. Or wear a damn condom!

I hate wearing condoms, I really do. They suck. It's nice finding someone who is clean. But it seems like everyone's a dirty little trash bag these days. Fucking with a condom is like half the fun, and pleasure. I guess for someone who is irritable and exceptionally lazy it's a real hassle to put one on. Obviously I'm talking about myself here. I guess I'm a little old fashioned with the "I'll pull out" line. Just trust me, I trust myself. Unless I haven't masturbated in a long time, then I don't trust myself at all. Holy shit, we've got ourselves a loose cannon here -- or maybe not -- I have practiced not cumming for very long periods of time. I do have great mindcontrol over it, but where's the fun in that? A pair of blue-balls is not much fun.

Scrap "pain for pleasure" just tease my cock with your tongue, uuggh, that's better.

Camera Fuck-Head

Look outside your door, you're on camera.

Surveillance, surveillance, we're all being surveillanced against our will. These freaks in government, and their obsession with us. Let's see your face, we need to know who you are, it's important for our database -- great.

Soon wearing sunglasses will be outlawed, and there will be no place for me in this life.

"Please remove your sunglasses sir."
"No. Eat my ass."

I had to leave 7/11 because I refused to take off my glasses. Yeah okay, it's most corner store's policy to profile people who wear sunglasses. Sure, it's useful to videotape someone's face who robbed them, but if you're confronting me about my glasses then it's obvious I'm not going to rob you. My cover is blown, I've lost the element of surprise.

"But it's the law, it's the law."

I will never obey all laws, because it takes away from my personal liberty. So throw me in jail, or shut the fuck up, and leave me be. Your authority is backed by nothing, because what the majority of cops and enforcers of law say is completely inane. It's really childlike to care so much about disrupting someone's life, and the quality of life they seek. If you're ever confronted by a cop, stay calm, you don't need to give them your name, they have no right. You don't owe these control obsessed hounds anything. Obviously unless you've commited some practical crime, but I really don't see anything practical about fascist policies. My best advice is, confuse a cop. Ramble and annoy them, sometimes they fuck off.

As for being watched, well, I never wanted to be on camera, but I guess I have no choice. Our entire life isn't private, and it will continue not being with the more technology we buy. The problem is growing hitech, and it's beyond Orwell's 84'. Big Brother is virtually probing you. Kiss your private life goodbye. Maybe you'll end up on the internet, when signals are posted by local cameras, and our satellites. It'll be great how the entire world will have you there for themselves to scrutinize. Granted, it's only one worse case scenario of invading privacy, but hey.

More Internet Junk

You know I really like children. I see them walking down the street, and we smile to each other. I get smiled at a lot by kids, it's so cute. Anyway, this piece of cinema snuff is from The Toxic Avenger. See, this little boy decided to ride his bike at night, and he got creamed by a car. Pop goes his head. But the first time of getting hit his body whirled through the air, just like an overgrown pinata, but there was no candy inside, just guts..lots of guts, and probably his brain too, but it's hard to make one out. His head had so much blood and guts and splattered brain parts it seems like the prop department had a little too much fun that day. I ate some spaghetti tonight, and I think my stomach now is a little queasy from talking about this, but that's alright. I also ate some tortilla chips, so that might be a part of why.

This next one is your pal, Mr Toxic Avenger.



I know what he's thinking here, "Ya know what babe, life just doesn't get any better than this." And he's probably right. He has a blind attractive girlfriend who loves him, what could be better? I would love to have a blind girlfriend. I would help her through her day, and we'd have sex all night. The sad part is, it's hard to find blind chicks online. Though apparently you can here, http://www.datingdisabled.net
but I have yet to lower my standards and look through that site. Give me a few months, and maybe I will try.

Bathroom Stall Masturbation

Here's a cute story, so I was standing infront of the Greyhound station when this cute little number walks up beside me, and I think to myself, what a wonderful world? No, but what a nice ass. I was pretty horned up by it, I thought I'd make my way straight to the stations bathroom stall and whip out my cock and just start masturbating right there. I jerked it, and imagined slamming my dick in that one girl as two dudes were next to me in the stalls peeing, and I hope not shitting, but I totally orgasmed, like it was my birthday load or something, and I couldn't help but think, "no, no no, please guy in the stall next to me, don't drop your load now!" It would have sucked if I had heard the guy next to me shitting while I was cumming all over the toilet seat. Ha. As for raunchy I've seen better, or I've done better, but you can't beat masturbating in public places. Actual sex in public places is another matter, but it's usually interesting.

Exert from my friendly conversation today,
Fil says:
it was the highlight of my year.
Clarence says:
well, if he orgasmed while he was shitting and then you came : )
Clarence says:
that would be really... adorable...
Fil says:
do gay men get pleasure from shit coming out of their bum, or just going in?
Fil says:
i think i jerked off while i was crapping before, and now all my craps feel sexual somehow.
Clarence says: i really think you should divide sex and bathrooms... honestly.

Currently..

This is a pretty fucked up video I must say. I wonder how she has sex, I guess an orgasm will set her off. When she gets off, she really gets off, complete with spasms. Wowy wow wow wow. Woof Woof..sexy.

Jeez, these fucking vaccinations are driving me insane. I went into Safeway, in the medical department and they were doing that shit to old people, I stared and watched like it was their execution. The H1N1 is bad for you, I advise not taking it. Where's my proof? Well, more people are dying from the vaccine than the swine flu, so you figure it out. None of them are going to have this cool disease though, this funky walk. It won't happen to you. One in a million shot. Ha, shot, anyway. Fuck you medical industry, we don't need your stinking vaccine. And if you're worried, point your finger at the government, they're the assholes who want to kill you.

What do you want for Christmas darling?
DEATH! MOMMY!

A New Nightmare On Remakes

They have successfully erased the past again with another remake
of a horror film. The actor who played the original Freddy Krueger,
Robert Englund -- fantastic job he did, by calling those little teenage girls "BITCH!" every chance he got -- kudos kudos for that, well apparently he snubbed off the role to play Freddy again. Hey, he didn't want to be in the same fucking movie he was originally in, I don't blame him. Well, it's fucking retarded. All the gags will be the same. I saw the trailer, they use CGI to do most of the practical effects they did in the original film. They're just doing this for money, that's why Rob Zombie remade Halloween, which was absolute garbage.

The guy who played Rorschach from the incredible movie Watchmen, uh, Jackie Earle, (I Googled it) this short guy with a not so scary voice will be the replacement for what was originally an awesome fucking performance by the actor Robert Englund. That guy's awesome. He was also in V the mini series, which was based on reptilian aliens disguised as humanoids who want to take over the planet, but instead amass an entire stock-load of humans aboard their ship to take back home to their planet and munch on later. Good series. The main alien commander chick was really hot, even though she was a cold blooded reptilian. That doesn't sound that much different from human girls. But that would be overly cliched of me for saying, but also completely true.

Robert Englund R.I.P as the true Freddy Krueger.

Fuck all of you other people! Freddy VS Wolverine, is that in-store next? They're also remaking Hellrasier, and probably replacing Doug Bradely, I again Googled that, who played the original Pinhead.
FUCK YOU!

Three Tits Are Better Than Two?

Well, of course if you were born with three tits you'd choose porn as your career. What else can she do? Type with the extra breast? Go scuba diving? Screw an armchair? I'd like to see that. I don't know how many practical uses, or sensical uses for having three boobs would be except for porn I guess.

You could rest your beer on one of the breasts as you feel up the other two, that might be pretty useful. Eitherway, it's probably too much tits. But if you're a guy you would say that you can never get enough of tits. Believe me, you can. After awhile it becomes enough. Try bringing home some strange Taiwanese girl obsessed with having her nipples sucked, and having to suck them the entire night, and morning. I'm sure you'd have your fill of breasts, ya know for awhile.

Useless Conversation

So what do you do?
I wrote a play.
What's it called?
"De-facto Love"
Did you really write a play?
No.

So what do you do?
I'm a professional drunk.
....
Are you a reporter? Who cares.

So what's your name?
Jesus..Jesus Christ. Bond..James Bond.
....

Isn't life grand?
No, I retired from life.
So what do you do?
Sleep. Leave me alone.

What have you done?
A lot of things, but no one cared.
Do you have hope?
No, and it's great.

What do you want to do with your life?
My life is forfeit.

Do you have hope for a better world?
I have no hope. The next few years will be pretty bad for the world.
So you're a defeatist then?
Only with you.

What do you think is the meaning of life?
It was an accident.
So you're an asshole then?
....

I love 'Demon Baby'

If you're watching this you may be thinking if I made it, no, I didn't. But I wish I had. It's pretty genius. I filmed a squirrel the other day though..eating a mouse's brain.

The Low Side Of Life

Advertising! Advertising!

Last night I was with three youngsters at the back of Little Caesars Pizza waiting patiently for the manager to throw out the remaining of the left-over pizza and whatever bits of food they have at the end of the night into the nearby dumpster. Great, now's your chance I say, as one of the three young people, I think his name was Jessy, as this guy heads to the dumpster to mull through the trash, and grab the plastic bag with the left over pizza and stuff in it. I watched him eat it, after he presented what was in the bag to me, and I guess he's scored pretty good for himself tonight. Hail Caesar! The other two were kind of suspicious of pizza, and other goodies that's just been disposed of, but hey, it was somewhat sealed. And dumpster food, is there anything better? Well shit, he told me it kept him alive back when he used to live on the street.

I heard that Safeway throws out whole turkeys, entire turkeys after holidays. They seal them exceptionally well too. I'm sure they have an entire fanbase of dumpster divers waiting eagerly to get their crummy hands on them. I wish it was just as easy to find a quality women in a dumpster as it is to find quality food. And by societies standards, it's Quality you throw out. What the hell? How fucking wasteful of American society. It's an empire ready and set forth to be flushed down the toilet. There's food you can't get back.
And would you want it?

Freudian Slip Ups

These are pretty amazing. I find it very arousing just hearing dirty words mixed in with the reporters content. It's like their career will be over, and they can't do anything to repair it. If they haven't fucked their boss already, they'd probably have to now or they're just going to be laughing their way into unemployment.

Pac-Man Eats America

Something is seriously wrong with this country. Economic meltdown, no fast resolve, president Obama is a complete liar, and he hasn't ended the war in Afghanistan, and America is in debt up to their eyeballs, again, no safe and fast resolve for any of these problems, and now mandatory vaccination over a swine flu, or whichever is the most popular flu this year.

What the fuck?

Quarantine and contain, quarantine and contain.

Sure, living in American would be really scary right now. Mainly because of the forced vaccinations, which is very likely to occur soon.
Let's not focus on your country trying to poison you right now, but the vaccine isn't going to help you, so don't fall for it. What is important to know is that America is fucking doomed, you know it is. Why do you think Obama is looking Globally, and at Global interests? In the meantime, you'll hear squealing, like, please save us Mexico and Canada! Let us push our problems onto you, and fuck up your lives as well. It's like that idiot-friend-loser you never want over, because they drink all of your beer, and eat all your snacks and frozen dinners. Get the fuck out of my house! Go bother some other country please. Canada, where I live is seriously fucking whipped. Our prime minister Stephen Harper is a piece of shit sellout. He sold us out to the United States back when Bush was in office, supporting his stupid war and our continuing support of it. Cocksucker. Our liberty shares the same fate as America, we've aloud their military and police to come in through our border, and help keep our public safe for our upcoming Olympics in the city of Vancouver -- retarded. And apparently the US military forces are already here anyway, great. Keep your fucking flues away from us though. Our police here are very unfriendly, and I could see them forcing us too to take vaccinations too.

Is it a conspiracy how this vaccine is bad for you? And to a larger extent fatal? A lot of people are aware of this now. I know it would fucking kill you, why wouldn't it? It's a great idea to weaponize a vaccine and use it on the public. It's sad, it's sick, it's fucked up, and the very first vaccine we get as a child harms us throughout our lives because it has mercury in it. Let's shoot up a nice healthy child with mercury, fuck you! More people are conscious now to the fact that vaccines harm us more than do any good.

Again, let's forget about how America is trying to murder it's citizans. The entire country is in turmoil, they're fucked. If a giant Pac-Man came and ate them it would be their saving grace. Hope for that. "Yes we can" MUNCH! Now you can't fucks.

Not to sound like a negative asshole, I think I'm making light out of this incredibly bad situation. Or I'm mocking it, that's okay too.

You're Dead...Get Over It

So I was trying to look up pictures of dead people online, and it's a lot harder than it used to be. I ran across this guy's post, "Are Dead People Really Dead?" No they're alive, idiot. When the body's dead, the body's fucking dead, no arguing that. Yeah, the energy lives on, I believe, you know. Whatever hasn't been sucked right out of us from TV and other little brainsucking instruments providing spiritual distortion. Uggh, yeah I fucking hate the media and everything, what's new hey.

I couldn't actually find a good picture of a dead person who wasn't shrivled and made into a sculpture yet. But I did find this African business man lying in the sand that looks like he's dead. But why the fuck should I post that? There's a watermark on it anyway, fuck.

I had this great idea of posting this guy with his head all blown off and shit, oh well.

Internet Junk

Whenever I find some little Google image gem, I will more then likely post it under the name "Internet Junk" because we know it's shit, but it's always amusing crap. Much like the entirety of the Internet.

Here's our first lovely find.



The origins of why Batman road an elephant are unknown. And also what he did afterwards with the elephant were never fully disclosed. Though Batman, also known as the actor Adam West was accused of being an alephant fucker. In one of Adam West's darkest secrets among his many scandals. Did Adam West really fuck an elephant? The accusations he had never forced him to go to trial, because he paid off the right people. Or shall we say, he kneeled down to the right people. To judges, reporters, and probably Robin too. Holy rail Batman!

My next bit of Ijunk is actually a really good photo of The Bat.



Is Michael Keaton gay? Sure we loved him in Beetlejuice, but is he actually gay? Do we care? Isn't everyone in Hollywood gay? Don't they all eventually fuck eachother? And fuck the same holes, or be fucked in familiar holes? Why am I stating it as a question? Of course they do. They're disgusting. I think Michael Keaton was still the best Batman, even though Val Kilmer kind of gives me a hard on. Does that make me gay now? I'm not a Celebrity, so it doesn't matter.

I guess this ends this first part of Internet Junk. Tune in next time..uhhh...same blog address, same blog, ehh, whatever.

9/11 Truth

Since it's September 11th, I am making this my very first post. I don't necessarily like Charlie Sheen, Hot Shots Part Deux, and all that, but his demands for 9/11 truth are important. And his phony conversation to president Obama, your president, if you're American, is very important to the future of America, which pretty much has fallen into the hands of Lucifer these past years. I commend his effort to demand a new investigation for 9/11. Like he said, the people's families of who died in that event deserve it, and they constantly ask for the real story of what exactly happened, not a work of fiction that the media and the government has provided.