Fuck A Friend (It's Cheaper Than A Date)

Words to live by. I guess.

Uh, I over-masturbated just now, which means my penis hurts. At least I don't have to bother with it for awhile.

I really do hate someone else jerking me off. It's never the right pace, it's too fast, or too slow, or too limp handed, or much, too much of a squeeze. Stroking the shaft while receiving head is perfectly fine though.

And what am I talking about now? The topic is, sex with a friend. Sex with a bunch of friends. Whatever suits you. Don't ever feel too old for it either, it's great fun. Yeah, well, that was fun, anyway, want to grab lunch?

You see, the perfect ideal life would be to have sex without the other bullshit -- and by other bullshit, you should know what. Sigh, seriously, getting attached to someone, and the emotional investment is like a loaded gun to your face, just waiting to pop a bullet in your head and blow you apart when things don't work out. And they won't. Pessimism and realism are close to the same thing here. To me anyway. Like Murphy's law, which is a bitch. Murphy's a bitch.

Okay, just the thought of being emotionally involved with another human being is insulting to me. I wouldn't underestimate the harm that another person can cause you. I don't recommend myself either. Use me with extreme caution. Emotions are fucking insane, oh my God. Alcohol works to numb that. But I've been practicing controlling them. How has it been working out for me? Not very fucking good at all. I'm totally fine when I clear women out of my life, I'm meditative, I regain my heightened sense of well being, and I have a certain overall feeling of zen. Don't fuck with my Chi! You know I need a girl for the odd id release. An angry one. But it's never really that angry, or good. Well, it's sex, what am I complaining about? If the sex was great though I would lose myself and become a slave to it. It's whatever the girl wants, I don't really matter anymore. I'm then her sexual device, and I'm just an object to entertain her lady parts. Is this purpose? Is this like an exchange to the greater meaning? Is she just a fuck-toy? Or am I actually...

I really have to stop being so damn existential when I have sex. Imagine if I was vocal about it. I'd say, "why am I doing this? It's mindless and I can't wait till we're done. God, hurry the fuck up and cum. I can see myself in the mirror, I look like a fucking idiot, what am I doing? When I cum I just want to smash my face with something hard, like a rock! Seriously. If this is the pinnacle to life, then count me out. Okay, this feels really good right now. Ah, fuck it, I won't even cum. You suck!"

Jesus, what a killjoy I am.

This Could Be Important

Do I have any interest in watching a man who ate the world's hottest chili?
No, but you can.

Was it hot?

The Man Who Took A Photo Of Something While He Was Out Doing His Laundry One Day Or Night Actually

The Asian writing reads: "Food so good you will shit in this speciality toilet we designed for you!"

So I took this photo outside of this Chinese food restaurant, forget the name of it right now, but their little mascot, or whatever it is looks like a toilet that licks your ass. It's pretty incredible, and oh, wait a second, I think it's a bowl with a spoon in it, and a mushroom? Or a sea urchin? In any case, it's a toilet to me that licks your ass as it stares at you. Very impressive, I must say.