My Friends In Shells

Chicken or the egg, what came first? God, who cares about that question?

So this morning I decided to boil an egg, and I heard this kind of hissing sound, almost like a miniature chirp. Well, I grab the egg, shake it around, and put it to my ear, no more ominous noises, but then I say, "Hello?" Just to make sure.

I really want to eat this boiled egg, but the thought of a partial chick inside makes it hard for me to pursue this. But ah, fuck it, I want a boiled egg, cooked, not runny. The least disgusting way to eat an egg in my opinion. Shit, I uh, I hope I don't find any premature wing in it, in this noisy little chicken fetus. Blood-spots are gross to find. Half a head would be kind of, yikes!

Alright, it looks like it turned out okay, and I was being paranoid. But at one point I was inside a little goopy egg, and so were you.

I don't even have any salt to put on this egg. But you don't need my life story.

Sex And Relationships

So not too many women know this, but men don't always orgasm during sex. According to some random sex-pert, and observing my own penis behavior, men generally feel good whenever they ejaculate. However it doesn't entail that there was an O factor, just that it's nice whenever semen is released from our penises.

Yeah, well, if the guy ever had an orgasm he'd know the difference, but if he hasn't then he would be clueless. I know what it's like, and frankly my dear, sometimes I rather masturbate after sex, because it feels so much better the way I do it myself. Which makes sex a bit of a let down.

Sex is great though, sex is like visiting a fun factory, but I hardly am impressed by the end result. When, or if the girl reaches her climax, and is flailing, and moaning loud, (and owe, my ears) well I'm glad you enjoy it honey, good for you. I'm just going to go, uh, you know, do my thing, or you can suck my dick, because that usually feels better. Yeah, blow-jobs, I've had some good orgasms with those.

I love getting my balls licked, it's the best, it's my thing I like. I just shaved my dick today, and my balls are smooth as a baby's butt, or they're exactly like it's balls. Right on. But, yeah, obviously they've dropped.

Uhm, so a relationship, what is that? Like is it ten percent -- after the sex? Yeah, ten or fifteen, if it's any more then the sex will suffer, and who the fuck needs that? The worst relationships are when you're winding down, and becoming too comfortable with each other. That's when it's time you need to buy matching hats, and t-shirts with your favorite Television shows on them, and forget about your sex life all together. Pathetic.

Speaking of losing interest, I don't know if all men feel this way, but if they make a girl cum, then they're pretty much done with her. "Alright, moving along." Also, if they can't cum, then there's more of a reason to continue the relationship. At least there's a goal in mind, because if it's getting married, then you should get your priorities together. Unless you're into marriage, but the sex and passion will definitely wind down, so there's really no point. But if you need constant companionship then you should learn to be more secure with yourself.

My penis is looking really nice right now, I think I should take it out on the town.

Back With More Internet Junk

So I took a break, plus Internet Junk doesn't really make any sense, it's just random photos I've found on Google Image. But you know, fuck you, it works.

And away we go.



He wears tights, he hangs around "Merry Men" and now he's actually flaming. Gee.

I can just imagine the creators of this show at a business meeting, "Alright, I have this amazing idea for a cartoon series, it's Robin Hood...with a jetpack!" All the staff sit up and congratulate each other, "Hooray! It's an instant hit!"

Here's a TV show idea, how about Gandhi in Rollerblades? Just to pull something out of my ass. When Gandhi's doing his non violent protesting he can also play street hockey in the meantime. I smell success.

Speaking of stink, my friend has this album.



David Hasselhoff as Knight Rider? No, Knight Rocker! He whips on a guitar, and boom! He's a rock star, instantly. Let's market shit to death, why not? They gave like every actor their own album in the 80s. Could they sing? Who cares? They have their own album anyway.

Who thought this was a good idea? Somebody of sub-intelligence. Though I do like Eddy Murphy's "Party All The Time" which was an 80s hit single.

"I want to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time"

I guess he likes to party all the time.

Well, I'm going to go listen to it, so I'll be back with more garbage later. It never stops anyway.

Update?

Yeah, I'm a young little Asian girl passed out at an Internet joint, in, I don't know, Hong Kong. She's got the right idea. Later on she kills herself, but that's okay, she's a smart girl, there's nothing much to desire online when you've seen everything already twice.

Anyway, I haven't updated this thing for awhile. It hasn't necessarily been a dog's year, but I took a break from the Internet land, and pleasant it was. As far as smoking pot, and getting tired for three weeks goes.

If I stop updating it's likely I'm dead, or Ashtar abducted me, and he's raping me with his alien penis, that I somehow find mesmerizing and desirable. It could be that it's shinier than most Earth man's cock, or that it always is erect, which would really be awkward at times. Hell, all the time. If my penis was permanently erect I wouldn't really want to hug my mother anymore. I generally prefer it when I'm flaccid.

So, uh, the Internet is often a bore, and then there's the checking, and re-checking -- fuck, who cares? It's pretty manic, and it's awful, but I steal movies off it, which is the only real thrill it provides me with. Porn sites used to be amusing, but I always imagine what the smells would be like of the people, and it loses any appeal, and grosses me out.

I have a thing about smells. I used to randomly sniff my girlfriends. Yeah, they hated that.

Updates are probably on the horizon. I'd appreciate emails loaded with weird, funky, and neat shit I could comment on. That would be nice. Thanks.

Everything New Sucks So I'm Watching An Old Horror Movie

Old horror movies, ya know, they're the best. Late 70s and 80s ones, for sure. Ever since the teen horror movie Scream came out horror movies just went down the shitter hole. Stupid fucking teen movies of the 90s, God. Terrible.

Who gives a fuck about teens? Either they kill themselves, or get killed by a tractor or something. Like in The Children Of The Corn -- which I haven't actually ever seen, but maybe that happens? Either way, teens -- whatever.

This movie Warlock is just great, I'm not even half way through it yet and it's just a pure joy to watch. Here's a bit of the story, uh, this Warlock from the 16th century is caught by some, I don't know, Warlock hunter (because he was being naughty) and he escapes getting hanged and burned over a basket of living cats. -- I'm not even joking, that's what the priest said his punishment would be. I know, I had to rewind it to hear it again, just to make sure I heard it correctly. Fucking great, fucking great. It makes sense, because like cats don't have souls according to religious folk, I think. Or maybe the cats.....I don't know.

My favorite part is when the Warlock cuts the fat out of an unbaptized kid and makes flying potion out of it. Genius. How can you make up shit that good? The writer deserves some stupid award, or a hand-job from a hot girl at least for having such an incredible imagination.

I deserve an award, or a hand-job too. At very least. Okay, so I'm going to finish this movie now.

All Her Weekends Are Booked Fellas

So I'm finally not talking about aliens anymore, thank God. So what's in store next?

This..



Look mom I can shit on my face! And how!

I can't believe someone marked this photo "camel toe" like anyone's going to notice the fucking camel toe. Really.

"Oh yeah, now I see the camel toe." There's also a bat on her shirt, and she has a pony tail. But that's completely not important when you spread this girl out.

Contortionist aside, I haven't spent much time over at Way To Suck That Dick in awhile, but I'm sure the girl who runs it is envious of me for this photo, unless she posted it already, I'm out of the loop. I actually found it in this file I downloaded marked "Pussy Collection" and to tell the truth, there wasn't much pussy in it. And looking at a pussy alone doesn't really turn me on. But there's some pretty good highlights, like one I found labled: "Dirty White Wife Fucking 2 Black Monster Cock Strangers - interracial ebony big dick sex xxx porn" -- it sure has a way with words.

Cock Strangers.

"Let's Talk About Aliens" Photo Outtakes

Okay, ready?



Who is this Xenon? "I come from Nebula SIX! WE YELL ON THIS PLANET! I'M SORRY THERE'S LACK OF OXEGEN! MY BALLS HURT!"

Believe it or not this is Ashtar, that's his real name. Some time ago in the 70's someone claimed to have contact with this boring alien, and there's this whole story about it, and a new age religion formed because of it. But who cares about that?

What I want to know is, does he put on his own eyeliner, or does he make his humanoid-centipede assistant Scwog do it for him? Maybe aliens are asexual, who knows.

And who painted this terrible thing? Anyway, on to the next reject.



I'm kind of tired of this stupid grey alien. But apparently she's not. Stick a strap on uh, on him and he's ready to wobble around.

I have a feeling she likes older men, or maybe Ethiopian children.

Oh, I guess I'm done. Well, I couldn't find much you know, except for that Alien movie, with Sigourney Weaver. What kind of a name is Sigourney? Sigourney? What? Ugh, Sigourney, can you feel my dick inside of you? Sigourney..Sigourney..Pastromi.