The Weekly World News

Here's some 2012 shit.

The Knights Templar, after excavating King Solomon's temple, for Grimoires and other magickal texts and what not, SECRETS, they found a few prophecies, according to this bullshit paper. But it has to be more credible than any other paper, even though it's deemed as "the funny paper". Funny? FUNNY? You're funny.

And now to the prophecies.

Scientist, whoever, or some random person will discover the cure for DEATH. Well, aging. And it will severely affect the..American Economy? More likely all economies, because uh, I guess people won't retire and too many fucking old, young people around. Whatever. People will take advantage of it, and it will cost million of dollars, and blah, blah, blah. I won't take it.

The other prophecy is that Jesus will return riding a tank, alongside four other tanks..or something. The facts do not matter here really. But he'll totally be riding on a tank, standing on it, I guess. Near the end of 2012. In Iraq, which used to be ancient Babylon. A friend of mine is like, isn't he supposed to return riding a horse? Maybe there will be a little scribbled drawing of one on the tank. Yeah, sure, why not? When you're making up the future, you can do whatever you want.

This world is a farce, if you were the very earliest man, you would fuck with people's heads too. Prophecies aren't prophecies, they're plans for the future.

Here's a prophecy, the future will suck, because idiots have been running this planet for too long. Evil morons that is. Evil wizards, actually. Yeah, some wizardry. Well they fooled nearly everyone.

They must be smart for duping the planet, not really. It's just cleverness, and not wise at all.

Anyway, the paper wasn't even very funny, for a funny paper. The large Elephantiasis footed women was kind of funny, I don't know, more tragic than anything. Her butt was also gigantic too.