Star Trek Edits

This is pretty demented, but almost the least demented of most of these Next Generation edits. I wish someone would edit old Trek with Captain Kirk having sex with that reptilian alien guy. They could use footage of that green chick he makes out with. I'd watch it.

Gee, well, I should have posted this on my blog a long time ago. I guess I was too busy laughing, and dreaming about Data, and fucking him. My android lust. What color is is cum? Green? Ehg, that's like the girl in the Exorcist's vomit. Uh, it's probably white, just kind of more synthetic looking maybe.

Date Rapists (Anonymous)

They're assholes right?

That's not nice, drugging the sweet girl, not so sweet after. I'm reminded of the scene in Twin Peeks: Fire Walk With Me when Sarah Palmer's in a brothel with her friend, and her friend gets her drink spiked, and then she's somewhat raped. Well, maybe not so raped, she's kind of into it, they both are. The room's all sexed, and smeared with it. Raunchy. Then Sarah goes mental with her tits hanging out. End scene.

Uh, in real life it's not so, I don't know, safe. Because they get away. Even though Sarah Palmer's raped by her father..for many years. I was almost raped by an African guy in the park once, he had his hands down my pants, and he was fingering my ass. I'm like, how did I get into this situation? Oh yeah, I'm incredibly drunk, and making out with an African dude. But Why? I thought, doesn't Aids come from where you guys are? I was kind of reconcidering this. I don't even know how the hell I got into a park. I think I blacked out and woke up there. He then suddenly whipped out his cock, to show it to me, and he made me touch it. I thought it was kind of funny, then he got a bit aggressive so I shoved him down, and then this security guard came and asked what was going on. I said, "uh, we're just talking here. We're leaving, or I'm leaving. Fuck off black guy!" My friends were worried about me that night. Yeah, I've heard stories from girls about getting roofied, but I could never tell if I was or not, because I pretty much just black out when I drink too much anyway. I guess I could be laying on my stomach somewhere with my naked ass in the air..in a park. And I guess I wouldn't know that until later.

"Nice naked guy, can I fuck him? How much?"

Sssshit, I hope my friends don't sell my body when I'm passed out. "Hey, uh, were you my pimp last night?" Fuck. Uhmm, yeah, girls getting raped is kind of bad, gay guys getting raped is kind of bad too, except sometimes they like it. I think it sucks just not remembering sex at all.

Anal Beads

When you're done with them..rinse them off.

Anal Beads -- I never really understood the point of them. I ignore them when I'm in the Porn Store, but could they have potential? Could they have value? Is it all for the sensation of shitting when you pull them out? Maybe I should read the back. I'm staring at a package of them as I'm writing this. It says here, "fun for the whole family!" Okay, it doesn't say that, but it's still kind of vague about their purpose. How many balls, or beads I should say can I stick in my ass? How many will fit inside? I'd imagine there's a world record for that, no? After four it might feel a bit packed. I should do an experiment, but I don't feel like using their bathroom to do it in. One time when I was younger I shoved a candle up my butthole while I was jerking off, and it broke in my ass. That was before I owned a dildo mind you.

I saw a video of a girl squeezing a cell phone out of her asshole, and I thought they should have at least called her phone, and if it was set on vibrate she could have full on masturbated while she was getting rectal stimulation. But if it had an annoying ring tone that kept repeating I'd understand why she'd shit it out.

So besides anuses (going off topic a bit here if I can) I'm glad that when you type in "penis" into Google search there's a likelihood that you'll find my blog. According to this girl from the Dominican Republic who did that. She was awfully charmed by my blog, and she wrote to me, and we are now in an online relationship. And when girls ask me out on dates now I tell them, "uh, no I'm in this serious relationship with this girl online right now. Yeah, sorry!" Nah, I'm lying, I think online relationships are stupid. However, she did say that she would fuck me, but I seriously hate traveling. I don't even know where the Dominican Republic is. The other day I called it, "the Banana Republic" so you see I'm pretty fucking clueless with geography. Seeming how I mix countries up with clothing stores. Is the Banana Republic like the Gap? Fuck, I don't even know that either, but I probably wouldn't shop there.

Retro Junk

As if Yo-Yos aren't enough of a nightmare. Here's a Freddy Krueger Yo-Yo.



A Nightmare On Elm Street Yo-Yos. I want one! Even though my attention span with Yo-Yos is the same as with a Rubik's Cube. Boring.

It says "collect them all" what are the other ones I wonder, his victims? Freddy not wearing a hat this time? Uh, him striking a Madonna pose? They look awfully shitty. Like Dollar Store junk, which I love looking through though. Cheap Chinese crap, that even Asians wouldn't buy, so they pawn it on us. Those little bastards. I bought my friend this squishy turtle once at a Dollar place, he still has it on his coffee table. Score.

Now Lux in helmet.



This is Lux Interior of The Cramps. They loved the fifties retro, like the B52's. I like his helmet, that's about it with this photo.

Alright, this ends Retro Junk. I'll find more ideas at Value Village next time I go there. Last time I was there I found these awesome World War II magazines, and I saw that Houdini magic trick box again. It's always in that store haunting me, ever since I was a kid. But it only had like a few cards and a few dice, maybe a marble, I don't know, but it was always missing shit.

Barry Soetoro Says..

Apparently Barack Obama's real name is Barry Soetoro. If you don't know that Barry AKA Obama is a liar by now then pull your head out of your ass and continue reading. Since the American government is controlled by offshore banks, namely the private Federal Reserve, then it almost seems apropo that there would be an illegal immigrant (whose fake as a three dollar bill) as the president representing them.

It's clear to people like me, maybe not to others, but shear nonsense still how it's claimed and proven that he has a false name, and there's an obvious conspiracy over a forged birth certificate. There's the Birthers, a group of people who are demanding proof that he was born in America, which I personally don't believe because of all of the deception so far. Why not? I already knew the guy was a fucking phony, and he just told you what you wanted to hear. He was just like a typical salesman, selling himself though, like any politician would. Like a total whore, but the maximum whore.

And all Barry/Barack's slogans were pretty fucking pathetic if you ask me. "Hope..." Ya gotta have it right? For good or evil? Be more specific man. Oh yeah, it doesn't matter because he never completed /and or bothered with any of the important tasks he finally said that he would do anyway, right, right right. Golf's on his agenda. Let the real people in power take care of things. "I'll sign whatever-the-hell you want me to later. Leave it on my desk, fuck." - Barry Obama.

I just find it ridiculous how fooled the American people can be by thinking the election process is legitimate. I never really think anything is that legitimate or honest in America. Americans prefer processed cheese to real cheese, so there you go. They'd prefer a nice-big-warm fantastical lie to anything remotely to the truth. I mean, it's not the American people's fault, they're just deceived, and programmed into accepting Kraft Dinner as an actual meal, and McDonald's as a substitute for a nutritious dinner. And a president to save them from problems the establishment (he's now a part of) has caused and created.

I never trust anyone in a monkey suit, but that's just me.

Vagina Assassins

So a friend of mine was telling me that when he was in Thailand he went to a bar called Super Pussy in a part of town called Patpong -- funny because the ping-pong ball pussy trick is a regular attraction there -- he says that these Thai girls were also shooting darts out of their pussy holes, and hitting targets and balloons. At first I was like, holy shit, this would make a pretty lethal women here, and one dangerous vagina. It got me thinking, this should have been in a James Bond movie. I would say, Pussy Galore comes to mind, but she was too lame. She had female minions who just got slapped around, and shoved around, and they kissed the shag carpeted floor. If only Sean Connery would have been caught with a dart launched at him when he spread out his formidable lay. I don't know, maybe about fifteen minutes into the movie he'd be dead already, with a poison pussy dart. There's so many fucking possibilities, what else could she shoot out of there a grenade?

Another interesting, and pretty nasty thing that my friend said the female/ and shemale performers did was that they would open up bottles of beer for people with their cunts. Ya know, as much as I don't like STD's I would also prefer not drinking them off my beer. Uh, beer transmitted disease? It's Aids beer, keep away from that! I don't really know if you can get Aids off a bottle of beer, but I really wouldn't want to find out.

They also smoked cigars with their holy of holies, and would write down your name on a piece of paper with a magic marker. Fantastic. Thanks, I'll get them to write down the name of my mom. Yeah, it's not really a choice gift idea for mom.

Those Aren't Bubbles In Your Tea

I don't really understand the concept of Bubble Tea. I want some gushy balls in my drink, please? Yeah, how about some other gooey things too? Sounds incredible. I want slimy, gushy, creamy things going down my throat when I drink something.

Where I live is predominantly Asian and there are quite a few Bubble Tea cafes around. Looks like fun..I guess. The straws are gigantic, I guess that's fun. Now I want ball-drink, give me sugary, gelatinous balls in my cold tea beverage or I'm fucking leaving! Who the hell would say that anyway? This drink is far too sweet for me, and it's not my cup of tea (pun, pun) fuck off. It was a fad at one time, like Hello Kitty. It's cute, it's Asian! So, yeah, it's marketable..and cute. Duh. Eat it, I mean drink it, it's floaties that you enjoy. If that was their slogan it would draw me. But, you know, I'd still only drink it three times.

I remember an old girlfriend of mine puking after drinking it. It's just too Goddamn sugary. Hyper Asian girls is not what we need. Horny Asian girls maybe.