All Her Weekends Are Booked Fellas

So I'm finally not talking about aliens anymore, thank God. So what's in store next?

This..



Look mom I can shit on my face! And how!

I can't believe someone marked this photo "camel toe" like anyone's going to notice the fucking camel toe. Really.

"Oh yeah, now I see the camel toe." There's also a bat on her shirt, and she has a pony tail. But that's completely not important when you spread this girl out.

Contortionist aside, I haven't spent much time over at Way To Suck That Dick in awhile, but I'm sure the girl who runs it is envious of me for this photo, unless she posted it already, I'm out of the loop. I actually found it in this file I downloaded marked "Pussy Collection" and to tell the truth, there wasn't much pussy in it. And looking at a pussy alone doesn't really turn me on. But there's some pretty good highlights, like one I found labled: "Dirty White Wife Fucking 2 Black Monster Cock Strangers - interracial ebony big dick sex xxx porn" -- it sure has a way with words.

Cock Strangers.

"Let's Talk About Aliens" Photo Outtakes

Okay, ready?



Who is this Xenon? "I come from Nebula SIX! WE YELL ON THIS PLANET! I'M SORRY THERE'S LACK OF OXEGEN! MY BALLS HURT!"

Believe it or not this is Ashtar, that's his real name. Some time ago in the 70's someone claimed to have contact with this boring alien, and there's this whole story about it, and a new age religion formed because of it. But who cares about that?

What I want to know is, does he put on his own eyeliner, or does he make his humanoid-centipede assistant Scwog do it for him? Maybe aliens are asexual, who knows.

And who painted this terrible thing? Anyway, on to the next reject.



I'm kind of tired of this stupid grey alien. But apparently she's not. Stick a strap on uh, on him and he's ready to wobble around.

I have a feeling she likes older men, or maybe Ethiopian children.

Oh, I guess I'm done. Well, I couldn't find much you know, except for that Alien movie, with Sigourney Weaver. What kind of a name is Sigourney? Sigourney? What? Ugh, Sigourney, can you feel my dick inside of you? Sigourney..Sigourney..Pastromi.

The Extra...Pedophile?

Yeah, yeah who cares about MJ already? Death was his best career move. But this photo always makes me laugh.

Like, why the hell is he with ET? Did he do music for the movie? No, I'm pretty sure he didn't. So why is he with ET? What are they doing together? Besides being friends I mean, and appearing to be gay lovers. That is if ET'S male, who knows. But why? Wuh, wuhhh..Why are they together?

I guess Michael's press agent thought it would benifit his career to be in intimate photos with ET.

Some kid when I was younger told me that Michael Jackson played ET. What is the purpose of that? A weird black guy -- I guess two of those later on can be disputed -- a weird, uh, person in a wrinkly, muppet-like, rubbery suit? Half his size? Yeah, sweet, what a great acting job, nice gig. I could just imagine MJ saying, "you mean I get to spend the whole day inside of this thing? Great! I have to kneel though, but I'm used to that, hahaha. Just cancel all of my concerts, and record signings, and somebody please give Bubbles my monkey a bath.." Yeah fucking right.

If I could speak for Michael Jackson here, he'd much prefer hiding Elliot's M&Ms in his pants, and making him look for them all. Oooh, what a cheap shot. But it's a fun game.

Let's Talk About Aliens

So a Close Encounter is witnessing a UFO I think, second is..I don't know what the fuck it is. But we all know the Third Kind is contact with an alien, and the Fourth Kind is being abducted by an alien, according to a movie I saw. So what is the Fifth Kind? Eating a taco with an alien? No, wait, that would be an illegal alien, but he'd probably shank you, and steal your wallet. At least actual aliens are kind enough to bring you home after, and tuck you into bed. That must mean they're benevolent, because malevolent ones would eat you I'm sure. Considering human meat is similar to cow's meat, and the domestic pig, it'd be logical that aliens would eat us, because we eat that shit. It's no wonder Jews don't eat swine, because I've said already that it's practically cannibalistic.

Apparently our skin is the same as pigs, sick. But I usually chew off a dead piece of my skin on my finger and eat it, so it's not bad. Same with drinking blood, it's right close to home, but who cares? Blood drinking is done all over the world. In China they do it openly, it's kind of fucked up, but they do eat snake penis. I didn't even know snakes had a penis, they are a penis! Anyway, I saw them fry them up on the Food Network one time. Plus they had human penis that was donated. Donated, yeah..like how in the hell? How in their right mind can they show this on TV? Either TV has gotten better, or it has immensely degraded to the point that they'll put any-fucking-thing on there.

Like all those UFO specials they had on in the 90's. I must have watched a dozen of those, and it was all the same stuff about Roswell, and Area 51. Who the fuck cares about that shit? I watched this documentary called Hanger 18, and apparently there's tons of recorded and eye witness incidents of UFOs falling from the sky -- and crashing into hillbillies who are fucking their sheep, or cows -- again with the cows. Needless to say, UFOs have crashed quite a bit in the past aside from Roswell. And they all have a place where they keep them in, with the wreckage, and it's called Hanger 18. Wow, I know you're as amazed as I am. So, not surprising anyone would give a shit. I empathize with the viewer being a skeptic, I do, I'm an advocater for critical thinking, even though I do believe in aliens.

Like, in an infinite universe with us being the only species aside from animals, and other creatures to apparently evolve out of nothing -- well, by a single cell, where ever the fuck it came from (going by science here) -- by discounting other planets in our galaxy, the Milky Way primarily, and it containing planets capable of sustaining life, some anyway, as well as billions of other galaxies with planets most likely capable of sustaining life, but there isn't as many planets like Earth as you'd think, though apparently we're the only one able to have beings like us, evolved, I don't know, out of a pile of mud on the ground with the answer for life sprinkled on it, produced by a nearby fallen comet carrying the first cell somehow, because how the fuck did it get there? It's the chicken, or the egg kind of scenario. The rock obviously came from a nearby planet with beings already on it. Wait, what the fuck was I talking about? Oh, the science theory is flawed, it would have to incorporate aliens in it for it to work, alien cells anyway, one at least. Fuck, a martian sneezed on an asteroid, and a cell from it's germs froze on an ice crystal, and it came flaming, and sailing down to Earth, and melted and formed life, yay.

Otherwise, in conclusion, it is absolutely fucking stupid stating that we are the only race of beings in the entire universe. There is no real solid facts on either side, any brought forward that would merit a definitive answer.

However I did get a rim-job by a Reptilian humanoid alien last night, and it was fucking fabulous. Its tongue was so long.

Aliens exist! So get over it already, because you probably won't be in line to buy my book, "I Sucked An Alien's Giant Cock And Lived To Tell About It" it's already a bestseller on Venus, translated into alien language of course. Uranus is too easy of a joke, so shut up. Plus springs on Venus are breathtaking. But there's too many fucking Reptilians on that planet.

The Opposite Sex

I understand why a lot of girls wouldn't like me, I'm too much reality for them. They'd much prefer fantasy to reality, their "knight in shinning armour" and all of that.

It would be nice meeting a real girl, if that exists. But I'm not talking about someone who belches, and passes gas and thinks it's funny..it's not, it's really not, and someone who takes a break on shaving their lady parts. If I wanted a beater, I'd find a girl on the street. But some classy chicks are a little too vain for me, and the superficiality turns me off so much. It makes me want to be dumb like them, so I drink a lot more. And then I ask my friend if we can leave wherever we are, and go and listen to some records at home. In peace.

But shy, quiet girls can stay the fuck away from me. They usually sound like a mouse when you fuck them, all kind of squeaky, if they're petite. I'm tired of girls shorter than me though, but if you're taller than I am I would feel inadequate, and ditch you in a movie theatre, because there'd be angry people sitting behind you.

I'm not picky, really I'm not. I Just like cleanliness and uhm, other stuff. I don't even know what I like anymore, just what I don't like, I think. Dirty finger nails, who needs that? Clean that shit. I used to throw girls in the shower with me before or after we had sex, and get on scrubbing them, then molesting and mounting their nice, clean, naked body afterwards. If I'm drunk, funky smelling, sweaty women are alright only then. Or if we were doing gymnastics, or volley ball or something, then it's understandable.

So what am I going to do to open up the perfect girl's can? I don't think I have the right approach. I have to play "make believe" and lie right off the bat, and pretend that I'm not purely interested in fucking you right away. Yeah, that's right, I enjoy your company and hearing you talk. Are we still in the fantasy?

I have yet to meet a girl with a unique, and interesting personality is my problem, okay? That would definitely turn me on a lot more, and rouse way more interest. I guess if they think they have amazing boobs they don't need personality. "I got all my personality right here!" As they cradle their breasts in each hand. I say, "cool, now where's the bar?' I'll eye girls like that from there, as I wait for someone else.

I'm through with sniffing butts, if someone wants me they're going to have to show it. Work for love. I'm finding men more, and more attractive lately, because I'm tired of the cat and mouse with most girls. It irritates me, and I'm always going to keep it real. But role playing in bed I'm down for.

You can be a giant Pterodactyl, and I'll be your piece of meat, and you can ravish me. Cool.