Monday, August 30, 2010

Goodbye Blockbuster

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So Blockbuster Video goes bankrupt, awwwweee. So sad to hear that. Thanks to Internet movie piracy, more corporations will crumble. Ahahahaha. But it's all a part of the global agenda anyway. All businesses and economies will crash, then New World Disorder. But for now take part in looting the Internet, of music, movies, and games, and I don't know, porno -- loot it dry.

Also, there's that Net Flix thing that's to blame, but get wise and just steal movies.

Good news though, theatre prices are going down. Instead of 11.50, you can see a movie for less than 8 bucks. I guess that's alright. For 6 dollars I can see a movie in the cinema, but still I relent. I always feel trapped in the theatre. I think ditching someone at a movie theatre should be worthy of a hard crime, it's that much torture. Get me the fuck out of here! There's posters of CGI kids films everywhere, I can't stand it! It reeks of the smell of synthetic butter and popcorn, and it's colder than a morgue in here. Plus it's fucking filthy inside.

Download movies, and enjoy them in the comfort of your own home. Plus you'll be the only assholes who are talking.

But, you know, I'm usually that asshole talking in the theatre.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

No Atheists Allowed!

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Okay, enough with these silly recent posts, let's get down to brass tax.

Christians, what the fuck? A ridiculous children's site, right Here warning others about Atheism, and how it's a brain disorder or something. Maybe it is, believing in nothing outside of this life pretty much sucks, but they're really fucking going over the top on this site. Example: "Keep your children away from Atheists!" They might as well be convicted sex offenders. If you don't believe in God then you obviously diddle children. That's not true for Catholics, so it's definitely not true for Atheists. Maybe Nihilists, or Anarchists, but Atheists generally seem to be alright, in my opinion. Besides I've only personally been molested by religious people. And I thought they had values, and morals, and..circumcised dicks, but I guess that's just Jews.

I think the site mentions somewhere that Atheists believe that Jesus was a dinosaur, or like Noah's ark couldn't have logically happened because dinosaurs would have drank all the water. They're a thirsty bunch. Or like aliens..anyway, now I'm making shit up, and I don't even have to make shit up because this site is so fucked and backwards.

At least tell the truth, an Atheist is more likely to operate heavy machinery, and drive their car much safer because they have more fear for their life than a Christian does. Because a Christian would rather be in heaven rubbing noses with Jesus than do anything less life threatening, or safer. Again, that's in my opinion -- but would you trust a Christian bus driver? I wouldn't. I guess a Muslim would fear death even less than a Christian, and I'd feel pretty unsafe riding a bus that they were driving too. It would be like having Freddy Kruger on board the bus, but he'd be like, "we're going to hell motherfuckers! And are any of you Christian or Muslim? Well, you're going to hell too!" Nice Freddy, nice.

But come to think of it, Freddy Kruger would fit the profile of an Atheist on this site. That's going to scare the kids into church for sure.

You better fucking repent! Bitches!

Friday, August 20, 2010

My Friends In Shells

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Chicken or the egg, what came first? God, who cares about that question?

So this morning I decided to boil an egg, and I heard this kind of hissing sound, almost like a miniature chirp. Well, I grab the egg, shake it around, and put it to my ear, no more ominous noises, but then I say, "Hello?" Just to make sure.

I really want to eat this boiled egg, but the thought of a partial chick inside makes it hard for me to pursue this. But ah, fuck it, I want a boiled egg, cooked, not runny. The least disgusting way to eat an egg in my opinion. Shit, I uh, I hope I don't find any premature wing in it, in this noisy little chicken fetus. Blood-spots are gross to find. Half a head would be kind of, yikes!

Alright, it looks like it turned out okay, and I was being paranoid. But at one point I was inside a little goopy egg, and so were you.

I don't even have any salt to put on this egg. But you don't need my life story.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Sex And Relationships

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So not too many women know this, but men don't always orgasm during sex. According to some random sex-pert, and observing my own penis behavior, men generally feel good whenever they ejaculate. However it doesn't entail that there was an O factor, just that it's nice whenever semen is released from our penises.

Yeah, well, if the guy ever had an orgasm he'd know the difference, but if he hasn't then he would be clueless. I know what it's like, and frankly my dear, sometimes I rather masturbate after sex, because it feels so much better the way I do it myself. Which makes sex a bit of a let down.

Sex is great though, sex is like visiting a fun factory, but I hardly am impressed by the end result. When, or if the girl reaches her climax, and is flailing, and moaning loud, (and owe, my ears) well I'm glad you enjoy it honey, good for you. I'm just going to go, uh, you know, do my thing, or you can suck my dick, because that usually feels better. Yeah, blow-jobs, I've had some good orgasms with those.

I love getting my balls licked, it's the best, it's my thing I like. I just shaved my dick today, and my balls are smooth as a baby's butt, or they're exactly like it's balls. Right on. But, yeah, obviously they've dropped.

Uhm, so a relationship, what is that? Like is it ten percent -- after the sex? Yeah, ten or fifteen, if it's any more then the sex will suffer, and who the fuck needs that? The worst relationships are when you're winding down, and becoming too comfortable with each other. That's when it's time you need to buy matching hats, and t-shirts with your favorite Television shows on them, and forget about your sex life all together. Pathetic.

Speaking of losing interest, I don't know if all men feel this way, but if they make a girl cum, then they're pretty much done with her. "Alright, moving along." Also, if they can't cum, then there's more of a reason to continue the relationship. At least there's a goal in mind, because if it's getting married, then you should get your priorities together. Unless you're into marriage, but the sex and passion will definitely wind down, so there's really no point. But if you need constant companionship then you should learn to be more secure with yourself.

My penis is looking really nice right now, I think I should take it out on the town.

Back With More Internet Junk

So I took a break, plus Internet Junk doesn't really make any sense, it's just random photos I've found on Google Image. But you know, fuck you, it works.

And away we go.

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He wears tights, he hangs around "Merry Men" and now he's actually flaming. Gee.

I can just imagine the creators of this show at a business meeting, "Alright, I have this amazing idea for a cartoon series, it's Robin Hood...with a jetpack!" All the staff sit up and congratulate each other, "Hooray! It's an instant hit!"

Here's a TV show idea, how about Gandhi in Rollerblades? Just to pull something out of my ass. When Gandhi's doing his non violent protesting he can also play street hockey in the meantime. I smell success.

Speaking of stink, my friend has this album.

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David Hasselhoff as Knight Rider? No, Knight Rocker! He whips on a guitar, and boom! He's a rock star, instantly. Let's market shit to death, why not? They gave like every actor their own album in the 80s. Could they sing? Who cares? They have their own album anyway.

Who thought this was a good idea? Somebody of sub-intelligence. Though I do like Eddy Murphy's "Party All The Time" which was an 80s hit single.

"I want to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time"

I guess he likes to party all the time.

Well, I'm going to go listen to it, so I'll be back with more garbage later. It never stops anyway.