So, I want to review really bad movie/miniseries trailers, like those Hallmark ones, they're so amusingly bad.
Up first, 'Supernova'.
After the trailer, you're probably thinking about all those natural disaster movies that came out in the 2000s. What were they thinking? Oh, I know what they were thinking, they wanted to cash-in on all that world ending hysteria and paranoia, paranoia-porn. It seems like everyone likes to watch a car-wreck, or something they don't have to take responsibility for, so they would enjoy a balls-to-the-walls disaster movie. I don't, because I care about human life. So, when little CGI men get blown up, or thrown here and there, I still maintain empathy and compassion for them, even though they're just pixels..or dolls, or pillows. I don't know.
I actually fell asleep during this trailer, but I think Tea Carrere is in it, the chick from Wayne's World 2, excellent! Never saw her in anything else. I heard she was in a TV show called Relic Raider or something, never saw it. Why would I? When it comes to ancient history type of drama/action shows, they might as well play them in schools, since the information is probably as accurate as what they teach anyway. Dinosaurs built the pyramids, sure, sounds about right. Anyway, back to this thing, I bet Peter Fonda regrets being in this, he looks really good for his age and it's a pity he doesn't make any larger movies. Whatever that means nowadays, I guess just bigger budget, or bigger distribution. Ya know what? Forget it, he's more interesting not making mainstream movies. Anyone would be.
I guess the premiss of the movie is....uh...hmm, the sun is going supernova and it's going to fry Earth or something..and they are going to stop this? I don't know. I kept focusing on the font they used for the titles and how basic it looked, and it really pulled me out of it. It ruined the appeal of 'Supernova' to me, so much! It just made me angry...no, of course not. Seeing Peter Fonda made me somewhat interested actually, but all the other actors, the fillers, were not that impressive. At first I was thinking, with this trailer, people see the title 'Supernova' and they may ponder, "is that an asteroid or something?" Someone else chimes in, "no, it's a comet, idiot!" Okay, so it's a star exploding. To people reading this, I don't mean to undermine your intelligence, I merely meant your parents.
So, most casual viewers would fast-forward to the mayhem anyway. And then lose interest because the special effects sucked. Playing badminton would be better than this movie.
1/2 Exploding Star rating for this trailer. The half of the star goes to Fonda, not Luke Perry, or the other person.
Next is 'Lies and Illusions'. Ain't it the truth?
This trailer's just, really-really silly. Christian Bale's just bailing at acting here. I mean, Christian Slater. I love the guy, but he just kind of adds nothing to this bad movie. There's this scene where he's been shot and he's like, SPOILER "ahhh, this hurts so much, owwwe". Pretty awful/brilliant actually. Not awfully brilliant, just so..yeah, you know what I mean. Cuba Gooding Jr.'s in it, but you'll probably not realize it's him because his acting has gone down the shitter.
I actually watched this movie expecting it to be silly, and it wasn't as much as I'd like, it was too dramatic and just boring. The trailer is the best part. Love the announcer, "Lies-and-Illusions". Everything's an illusion. The truth, is it arbitrary? Hmm. The movie title really makes you think, not the movie though.
Still love Slater and his Slaterisms, and his overacting, totally unneeded. And thinking about him in a relationship in this movie just doesn't seem appropriate for children. Rated R. Because Slater does not mince words. Give the guy a better role! He's in Corey Feldman territory now. Why do really unpopular actors bother acting? Did they not invest their money? Why humiliate yourself? Play positive roles for younger people out there at least.
The shittiest thing is when an actor who once did profound and inspiring roles turns into an actor who plays completely immoral and scumbaggy roles.
I'm speaking to you Sir Ben Kingsley. You played Gandhi for crying out loud, now you play like the sleaziest roles. Acting range? Hardly.
Okay. Onto something else, 'Jules Verne's Mysterious Island'. Another Hallmark one. Bound to be amazing.
Speaking of someone who looks like Ben Kingsley, Patrick Stewart. I love this guy, he's the king of memes. If you haven't see one of them then..
That facepalm, seriously, we've had enough of it now. But it's the nicest possible way to show your disappointment in someone...without being a total jerkoff.
Anyway, him in a bathtub, as a lobster, classic.
Duh. Did this need a description? Sorry, how redundant.
On to the movie! Well, it's a two parter, it's uh, it's a miniseries. Some of the special effects are actually pretty good. I'm not even done watching the full experience of it's excellence, but how about I review just the trailer, which I'm going to watch right now. Okay. One sec. Hahaha. That fake looking corpse of a pirate...and the girl screaming...oh man. Already got my attention. I think the set design is really good. Love what's his face, what's his face? Uh. Everything's big. Nemo builds an atomic bomb, oh man, the atomic age and all of that, uhhahhhhhh. Gabrielle Anwar, who the eff is that? Omar Gooding, Cuba Gooding Jr.s brother right? Is that racist? He could be white and I'd say that. Is this trailer over yet? PIRATES! Women running, always like to see that. Keeping fit. Romance, then violence...eh, a bit of a morality lesson going on there, sex without love equals violence. Nemo speaking of god, do not believe a word he says. Oh, it's over now.
So, that was me watching that trailer and commenting on it as I watched it, in case you didn't realize that already. Scene by scene. I can hear you yawning. Shrugs.
What the eff is his name? Uh, I think it even said it in the trailer maybe. It's like MacDonald or something. I need to find out. One sec again. Kyle MacLachlan! There we go. He's awesome. He looks great too, so does Pat Stewart. And the sets, they look good. So, SPOILERS this girl gets grabbed by a giant crow and it looks so..bahhd. But it has charm, in being bad. Some effects look better than others and I don't even like CGI. I guess they had a board meeting, which went something like this, "some effects, more of the budget will be spent on, others...not so much". So it's a total mixed bag. I think the giant scorpion looks pretty rad.
Oh, it was directed by Russel Mulcahy now. (No idea who that is).
I watched an interview with Kyle MacLachlan about his role in this movie, which isn't on YouTube. He's pretty serious about the movie and it's like, ah shucks, who are you fooling? It's cute and it made me giggle. Can't post it though. Also, the Patrick Stewart interview is pretty good, because he's so cavalier. He knows the movie is a piece of shit.
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