Benign Are The News Headlines

What's going on in the world today?

"Toxic fish, and deformed octopi from society's waste threaten our oceans's sea life. But the wales are fine."

"Rabid K9's attacking pregnant women -- children born with rabies."

"McDonald's restaurant (if you can call it that) sued for sexually harassing its customers."

"Jesus returns out of his cave to deliver pizza to the elderly and retired living in Miami Florida."

"James Cameron the director of Aliens gets Oscar snub for his movie Avatar, because we all know it was just an epic cartoon anyway -- and it was the true sequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit."

"Vancouver 2010 Olympics brought an oppression to the city, but they did sell a lot of hot dogs and glow sticks."

"Man-Made Global Warming debunked as junk science, but peddled with hysteria by a very aging politician whose name rhymes with whore."

"Mickey Mouse was recently declared as diseased, because no one really gave a shit about him anyway."

"The Kellogg's cereal Fruit Loops joined forces with Rice Crispies and heads up it's new ad campaign with: Snap! Crackle! Pop! ..And Fruit! Kellogg's Rice Fruit Crispy Loops. Now in chocolate flavor."

"The gay community decide to wear white after Labour Day and they start a communist revolution that ends abruptly."

"Experts predict by the year 2013 nobody will care about Lady GaGa anymore.'