Those Aren't Bubbles In Your Tea

I don't really understand the concept of Bubble Tea. I want some gushy balls in my drink, please? Yeah, how about some other gooey things too? Sounds incredible. I want slimy, gushy, creamy things going down my throat when I drink something.

Where I live is predominantly Asian and there are quite a few Bubble Tea cafes around. Looks like fun..I guess. The straws are gigantic, I guess that's fun. Now I want ball-drink, give me sugary, gelatinous balls in my cold tea beverage or I'm fucking leaving! Who the hell would say that anyway? This drink is far too sweet for me, and it's not my cup of tea (pun, pun) fuck off. It was a fad at one time, like Hello Kitty. It's cute, it's Asian! So, yeah, it's marketable..and cute. Duh. Eat it, I mean drink it, it's floaties that you enjoy. If that was their slogan it would draw me. But, you know, I'd still only drink it three times.

I remember an old girlfriend of mine puking after drinking it. It's just too Goddamn sugary. Hyper Asian girls is not what we need. Horny Asian girls maybe.