Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Hows About Some BUTT?



I don't know if any of you have heard of BUTT magazine -- a male magazine -- a gay magazine. It's one of my favorites. I can submit a photo of me and my naked butt and become one of their known "buttheads" I may just do that.

There's this great article recently about Denham Fouts, a well known prostitute and an influential hustler of the 1930's. This dude obviously sucked his way to the top, he fucked princes and kings, royally, I guess. He was referred to as "the most expensive male prostitute in the world." What a brat.

This is an interesting quote about him,

"…if Fouts had slept with Hitler, as Hitler wished, he could have saved the world from the Second World War…" - Ned Rorem recounting a quote by Truman Capote in George Plimpton’s Truman Capote.

Hitler was gay, duh. Have you ever seen the footage of him gingerly combing back his perfect hair with his fingers? Have you? And his solute, not the Heil, the other thing he did, come on, so gay. I wouldn't let him fuck me though. Hell no.

Well, back to BUTT magazine. Butt Butt Butt. I'm not a homosexual or anything, butt I just love this magazine full of naked men. Scantily clad, or in the buff, some riding bicycles like the photo above, some shaven (at least) and some rockin' some awesome hairdos, and other dos..and maybe don't. I would glance through it in American Apparel. Yeah, that store isn't really for me but (butt) I just go in there to ask them for the latest copy of BUTT magazine. It's the only good thing about that fucking store. You should see the girl behind the counter's face when I say, "I just came for BUTTS, is the new one in yet? This is my magazine, BUTT magazine. I find it smutty and revealing, and disgusting and funny.

Butt. Fuck, I'm retiring that word from my vocabulary for now. ASS.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

To People Who Are Fucking Annoying

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Uh, am I on this list? Is there a list? Did I make a list? No, I don't think I did yet.

I hate being pulled into other people's drama. I'm not responsible for your life because it's yours, not mine. You tell me there's a problem, and I'm having arguments in my head debating whether or not I care. I don't want to play around with you, I have a hard enough time playing the life game. Not to be confused with the board game, which may be vaguley similar, but I don't have a fucking mortgage or credit card bills or house payments and kids, so I guess my life is less complicated than that game. But when is Johnny going to get the girl, and get the perfect job? And write a best seller! Right? Dad? Fuck it.

I pretend life, I fake-out life, but there's still people out there trying to bother me. So human drama, what's the point? I find it hard enough to believe that people invest their time in watching dramatic TV shows and feeling deep emotional attachment for their favorite actors and whatever situations they're in. I mean, what the fuck? I'm inviting this shit into my life, into my livingroom. Get the fuck out of my living room. You're not wanted, I'll throw you out. You two-bit actor. Suck.

Give me some fucking happiness, some calmness, no fixations on material life. A dream.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Urban Dictionary Fun

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Monday, February 8, 2010

Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation

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Is this the best way to die? I now believe it is. Let's go out with a bang, or a wank. A lovely wank, the kind that make headlines. David Carradine, the kung fu master, died from such deviant sexual behavior when he was found dead in his hotel room in Thailand, with a rope around his neck and another around his genitals. What a thrill seeker. I love the mental picture, and the lasting impression it would have left. Were his hands free? God, I don't know. Maybe he was mastering a new technique -- the hands free, I've tried that. It can work if you concentrate hard enough.

I used to think it was silly as hell when I first heard about how Michael Hutchinson the late singer of INXS died from masturbating with his belt tide around his neck, for a choker. What the fuck right? It's hilarious, it's just really embarrassing for his entire family to know about, and the rest of the world when you're as super famous as he was. But who cares about that, now I am a believer. It's great, it's like, don't judge me asshole I'm into this kind of shit. I'm into these kind of dangerous thrills, this edgy kink.

Usually when I'm close to cumming when I'm masturbating I wish my life would end right after I ejaculate. It's an 8 second long symphony of delight. It's that epic. I can actually hear the drumming and chimes and the trumpets that are playing, in unison. It's so theatrical. But then I just want to fucking shoot myself in the head when it's over. That's probably because I have problems, but that's alright I know how to deal with them now. Just give me some rope, and let me play with myself. I'm probably going to fuck it up, but that is extreme auto-erotic asphyxiation.

In the end with suffocation from choking myself, all the blood has flowed to my cock. I find it funny how a hanged man usually dies with a boner. Choking yourself could be considered the old Viagra.